I surrender

I am moving.

I am not the first person on the planet to move, nor do I have the biggest move of all moves to make. My beautiful friend has moved several times and with 7+ children in tow. My sister moved her whole life from Japan and packed her every earthly belonging into a box the size of a Volkswagen Scirocco. But for some reason this move has paralyzed me. I feel completely snowed under – covered up by the task in front of me. I have been packing for weeks and I have 3 days left before the trigger is pulled and if you walked into my house you would think I hadn’t even started (and that a pack of wild dogs has taken up residence). 

I’m excited at the adventure ahead and yet anxious about the love, support and comfort of the community I am leaving behind. 

I am currently sitting on the potty, hiding from the reality beyond the pocket door – the dozens and dozens of partially packed boxes, weeks worth of clutter, a 13 year old that wants to lie in bed all day, a 5 year old that insists on unpacking every box I pack, a recently discovered pile of dog vomit in the next room… and all I want is my mom. 

She would be here (even when she was wheelchair bound and confused) to direct me, keep me motivated, make me giggle and create a beautiful memory out of the chaos that surrounds me. 

I am so thankful for my moms group. This tribe of women has had my 5 year old over during the day so I can be productive and brought dinner to the kitchen table that I normally am so proud to display my own weeknight dinners upon. 

It’s interesting because I am usually the rescuer, not the one needing rescued. I have spent nights on couches helping people finish term papers, organized home improvement projects, helped others pack, streamlined volunteer efforts, rallied around friends in need; but right now, I need the buoy tossed to me. I’m drowning.

So, today I surrender. 

I mean it. I completely lay down every stress, every to-do list, every anxiety and every unmet goal before the only one who can give me the strength to get through. I will pack every box as prayer of thanksgiving.  I will look at the challenges as opportunities. I will “praise Him in the storm” that is this move. 

I believe surrendering is directly related to the tone of my internal voice. That voice that either says “holy crap there’s no way I can get this all done.” Or,  “thy will be done.”

They say change your mind, change your life. 

I say change your mind, change your perspective, change other’s lives around you. 

My mom moved our family into our house with 4 girls in tow when I was not quite one year old. I don’t have memories from that move but I can only imagine the stress she endured that day and many days that followed. I never remember her yelling at me out of a place of her complete exhaustion as I have been guilty of as of late. She was always a safe place for me. A constant in times of hardship and times of joy. That’s what I want to be. A constant reminder of love and peace- not a stark raving lunatic of a mother that’s one box away from the looney bin. 

This move is for our family. 

So I am waving the white flag. 

I will change my mind. 

I will change my perspective.  

I will pack with a smile. 

I will (try) not (to) yell.

 [baby steps, people.]

I surrender. 

8 thoughts on “I surrender

  1. Your Dear Mom , at one point in her life, moved Nine times in 10 years. Frustration dominated several times, but this is your blog. The main thing is, with her always beside me, we made it. You too will make it , I have absolutely no doubt.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. In the end, all will get done. Maybe not to perfection, but done. Hugs to you and each one of your family. My mom’s favorite phrase fits: “This too will pass.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Don’t stress over boxes, but remember that those boxes once full and soon to be emptied can be the source of new adventures. Get the book, Jillian Jiggs, she makes all kinds of things from those empty boxes. Horst the sail and begin anew…just think of the new people, spaces and adventures await you. Wrap your arms around you and feel your dear Momma helping you! Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

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About the honest girl

40ish wife, mother, sister, cousin, friend, Christian, Catholic, sinner, writer and singer. Just trying to be honest about it all.