The C word

Tell me I’m not the only one.  

I get sucked into the vortex of my thumb sliding, swiping and swooshing on my phone screen as I scroll the countless posts of what everyone in the world I know (or even sorta know) is doing on Facebook. And after a few minutes I feel my neck tighten, shoulders start to ache, and stomach almost start to feel woozy. I think to myself… Have I been struck by some odd medical phenomenon where the screen glow is making me physically ill?  Have I been sitting in an odd position too long and I’m starting to cramp up?   But, I sigh a heavy sigh, press that round silver lined button at the bottom of my handheld device, and watch the pictures and posts decompress into the blue “F” icon- and I realize it’s no illness, it’s the C word. 

Thoughts fill my head… Will my kids look that happy on vacation? Will my daughter read soon like her daughter does? Do I tell my Dad I love him enough? Am I as faith filled as her? Maybe I should compost and raise chickens? I haven’t read a book cover to cover in forever, how can I answer a quiz about a book I last read? Gosh she looks great in a swimsuit, I can’t imagine posting a picture of me in one. I wish they would invite my kids to their parties. If only I had a group of girlfriends who got together each month like that. Maybe I need to go on a retreat too? I need to run a full marathon. Dear Lord, my kids have never picked strawberries. 

It’s mind numbing. 

I wish I could shut it off and just enjoy the..

Connecting

Communicating 

Corresponding 

But the biggest C word that consumes me while swiping is “Comparing”

I compare myself and my world to nearly everything I see. And it makes me feel sick. Physically sick. As though I am missing something. Not living life to the fullest. Not doing my best. Not being the person God intended. 

And when I realize I’m doing it, then I feel even worse. 

Why do I do it?? Why?? I am more than blessed. I have an amazing husband; good God-fearing kids, an amazing extended family, wonderful friends who I know would come bail me out if needed or visit me if I got sick. I’m surrounded by a village of people who care for me and about me and let me do the same for them. I am healthy, I laugh everyday (for the most part). I have had the privilege  of being successful in business and now I have the honor to work at being successful as a mom. So why does my head hurt and chest ache after 7 minutes of thumb pushing?  

Is it just me or does anyone else suffer the poison of the C?

Well, alone or not. I’m really going  to try to stop. I don’t really want to delete Facebook all together. I know it’s my issue – not the apps. 

Care to join me in stamping out the C? 

I believe if ..

-I am present in my own reality (meaning instead of worrying about if my daughter will ever read just pick up a darn book and read it to her)

-mindful of my blessings (meaning being thankful for every moment and opportunity presented before me good and bad) 

-and intentional in looking for the opportunity to serve instead of being served. (Meaning if I want to have a group of girlfriends get together for a girls night out- then I better get to planning it )

…Then my mind will shift and I can change my C from Comparing to Content

7 thoughts on “The C word

  1. Kath – I suffer from this daily. I question all the time why I let the comparisons get to me so much. I feel so inadequate in life when I see all the wonderful things people are doing. Ugh! You are not alone!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. OmG, so I couldn’t sleep and as usual went to grab my phone to say a rosary or chalet on my RELEVANT RADIO app. I tell myself, “don’t do it, don’t get on Facebook…you’re supposed to be praying!!” But here I am reading your blogs for over an hour and I start “COMPARING “. Oh, how I hate it when I do this!!! You amaze me and inspire me. I could never be as eloquent with words as you and that’s OK. I feel blessed to know you, my hope is that “something ” from you will rub off on me as I have the pleasure of serving on the WDCR board alongside you.
    See, like you, I am a stay at home mom and wonder if I am doing a good job. I get sucked into all this social media bs and start feeling worthless and that I’m not half the mom or person I should be.
    I have to say, for the past hour (maybe hour and a half) I have truly enjoyed your blogs. I REALLY needed to read this one!!! You really are human, I was beginning to think you were a super hero. 🙂
    God bless you, Katherine, and all you do. This community really is better because you are a part of it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your words are so sweet. Thank you. Writing is my therapy. I’m definitely human, and flawed and just trying each day to get it right. I’m so very glad to get the honor and opportunity to know you better too. I definitely think God is at work. I can’t wait to get to know you better. I can confess I also thought you to be the picture perfect momma, wife and woman. We are all in this together – isn’t it awesome when we get to see that in each other!?
      Thanks so much for reading and for being who you are!

      Like

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About the honest girl

40ish wife, mother, sister, cousin, friend, Christian, Catholic, sinner, writer and singer. Just trying to be honest about it all.